May 21st 10:55 AM
I really need to get on page 2 here, keep forgetting I gotta do that manually but I'm too lazy so whatever. I didn't sleep well last night cause my mind felt too frantic about something. Needless to say I made some mistake this morning when I tossed some money and more by accident because I ordered the wrong size T-shirts and made a double order with my refund coming on the mistake coming back in around a week but at least it is so I shouldn't worry. Also ordered a ticket for the Ren Faire now that they are finally on sale. I'm sure one of those Saturdays I'll be free to go but it's some weeks away. Just feeling a bit over active because so much is happening in my life all at once making time feel like a major pain in the ass sometimes on top of the fact that Summer has just arrived and the temperature needs to catch up a little bit still. Pretty sure I also feel kinda crappy because I haven't slept well too just adding more fuel to the mental chaos. I like to call doing what I do during times like this "riding the omen" bringing little by little past curses to light and resolving them and let me tell you it's always like ripping thorns out of the skin but when you do you feel a thousand times better and it never comes back
May 20th 2017 9:30 PM
It was an ordinary Saturday and in the morning I had to go out with my father and do some ordinary stuff around. Got my usual loaf from Panera but my recent burst of energy has me feeling like I should honestly just toss myself a couple store made bagels most days and a loaf only once if it's my own now because what's this doing for me besides holding onto a vague comfort that no longer holds much water for me anymore. Guess I'll make that my next movement as I focus on other things and keep going. Just fuck food in general really, I notice that I hate feeling it in my all the time no matter what. Get most of my energy elsewhere, it's starting to become an obsolete source of energy only needed as a base. I didn't mind working since the weather wasn't all that great but it was still warm enough to be out. I noticed that the tickets for the Ren Faire are now on sale and I'm gonna jump right on getting them and since I don't even need to be out of here till the end of June I can still order some new t-shirts right now. Best take the hits to my wallet now and forget them while I try to get as much bonus hours as I can to keep it covered and them some. I actually already have the "and them some" down but can't ever be secure enough there. As far as I know I have tomorrow free and I feel like there's something I should use it for besides mowing the lawn for one of the last times at this old house.
May 19th 2017 11:48 PM
Today when I went out to go eat and then do some other things on some rare off chance I ended up running into a couple coworkers going to the same place I was. Needless to say we got together there and it felt somewhat strange not eating on my own but I enjoyed the company before we parted ways again and I got called in to work again for an extra 5 hours. So nothing happened at all later but work but I just got a fatter pay next time around. It was a sort of slow night overall but better off that way whenever possible anyways to make my job easier. People keep bringing up how good looking and interesting I am but honestly like someone said before I'm like a unicorn. I tend to need a little push to get anywhere with anyone and so far I've got nothing and can only do my thing and wait around with a invisible neon sign over my head that just screams "please help me". I just keep the hope and hope not to need to resort to shady relationship websites that would be my last option. There's much time but the pain of seeing people every day interested in you but not knowing your open is quite frustrating and takes a toll on you. I have other things to worry about but honestly their all slowly becoming smaller as I realize more of what I want out of life now. Tomorrow I gotta do the usual grind again and before that I'm probably just gonna have an ordinary Saturday of stuffing my face with some bread to fuel me on my journey and keep hoping that something worthwhile happens one day.
May 19th 2017 10:21 AM
Work yesterday went by rather quickly but it took a bit for me to getting used to working in Summer conditions again. Just about over being sick but it's being somewhat persistant in a subtle fashion. Didn't do much online when I got home last night because I was busy messing around with a slot machine emulator on my pc, I was digging around online and though I decided to stop gambling I still enjoy them sometimes for that same high I get from it. In some sort of a mircale I found a Aristocrat MK6 emulator that works in my virtualbox OS and some games run pretty slow since they're being run in a virtual OS with my PC not being the greatest in the world running linux but smooth enough besides some slightly annoying graphical errors when I almost fullscreen it. Using that will be fun for killing time sometimes. Today I have no work so I'm just gonna enjoy my Friday and go to the shore later. There's some things floating around in my mind but I can't arrange them too well at the moment and don't care to. During the Summer my mind tends to be more chaotic normally as it is and things take longer to settle down but I like it that way honestly. I have enough down time and I don't like rushing myself to come to conclusions.
May 18th 2017 11:53 AM
It's another nice day outside but regardless I gotta work. I think the miracle I hoped for coming true because I am almost all better today, feeling somewhat off and still have what feels like diseased liquid cement in my throat and deep up my nose but nothing is running too bad and I'm not sneezing at all. That's probably enough to get me through the work day and even though I'm planning on going to the shore tomorrow night to do some detecting I'm half hoping I get a chance for more money since I still want some more shirts and another new pair of shorts and just wanna be super over my usual base pay when i get them even though I now already am with how much I been called in lately. I'm happy that I'm over this anyways just in time and I'm finally just fighting off the last of it before Summer really sets in. Got used to going out again more often I feel so I'm ready for some fun. Also selling my old guitar amp that's actually almost new minus some uses to a shop for some cash. I had high hopes when I got it a long while ago this year but it turns out I'm too electro-hypersensitive to use it without feeling sick so I have to sell it and kiss that dream goodbye. But I'll put what little cash I get out of it to good use. Either way I'm doing quite well, I just need to keep steady and bring my efforts to light somehow.
May 17th 2017 9:50 PM
Today besides being still somewhat ill was really nice, now I know why I was hoping for the Summer so bad. The constant warmth and energy in the air is like a never ending high since my base energy is so high as it is. Almost too much for my body to take sometimes when I don't have much to do. But after getting some food I had to get the rest of the day was spent waiting around till later to make my dough. So it was nice but pretty boring besides tonight. I added sage again to my bread and I think I'm gonna continue doing that most of the time because of the benefits and the energetic cleansing effect of it. Just a little of it in something can purify the food to an extent. Tomorrow I have to work again but I'm ready for it, may have just gotten over this crap just in time for another work day. Can't possibly go backwards. I also can't afford to be an ugly mess again either. Speaking of looking better I'm really liking Society 6's T-shirts and I'm gonna order more, this is probably one of the best quality shirts I ever owned. Pricy but I'm willing to pay more for something that fits me so much better. Have enough under hoody and work/dirty situation shirts so I can stretch the use of these for long time. I don't tend to trash T-shirts like I used to anyways cause though I can get my hands dirty I prefer not to when I don't have too. Ironically on Friday I'm going to the shore again to do more metal detecting and I 'm pretty sure it's gonna be a far nicer night too. Should be a nice week if things go my way here. I also had the upcoming summer events on my mind and things I can go to. The Ren Faire, Italian Fair, ect- no name local events but the fireworks shows are pretty huge and probably more widely known. I hope I have some people to do something with though, maybe I could tag along with some people from work and use it as just a gateway for more possible new connections with people. Can't hide my desire even if I can and do always do everything alone but it and I am getting old. Well agewise at 24 here even though I've practically found out how to slow aging to a ridiculous extent and even reverse it a little. Apparently aging in the human body is about as manufactured as the shit that kills us these days. Everything is such a joke but I still want to end the punchline with having had someone by my side at some point before.
May 16th 2017 9:24 PM
Woke up to a bright sunny day today thankfully. Was gonna go out in the evening for a walk but I gotta do it this morning because I gotta make bread for tomorrow. Not sure specifically what I want to do today but I'm feeling more active than usual and ready to move. Should probably keep it at that because through all my life I've learned over and over again that over thinking is one of the worst things you can do for yourself. BEst to just think and move quickly as long as you know your general direction and what offends your soul.
May 16th 2017 9:05 PM
Wasn't too bad, the food didn't do that much damage. But I gotta stop going over there so much, feel it's just toxic for me at this point besides seeing them now and then to say hi. Started when I was just miserable in the dead of Winter feeling sick as hell with no idea how to get well for comfort of being somewhere else and it turned into a habit that got taken too far. I don't have much to say to any of them and everything that does matter to me in my life is so private that I'm not going to just tell you unless you are very close to me. I don't know how to answer the question "what do you do?" generally, I listen to music on the internet while enjoying making my time worthwhile by going for walks and feeling what I feel. My activity is often passive interactions and observance of the world and when Summer comes it tends to be more of an adventure. I would do more outside activities but I want someone by my side or they don't have as much worth to go out of the way for. I want to dedicate the beginning of this summer to getting more in order quick and being more open even if they need to push a little to get in on my life not because I'm just too guarded but rather since I don't have too much on the surface to go off about unless you know the specifics of one thing I'm into and then we have a lot more to go off of right from the start. I'm an overall open book but you probably need to turn some pages yourself.
May 16th 2017 2:37 PM
And that was a kinda shitty trip into the forest but it looked nice and felt nice so good enough. But oh god the weather is glorious when I headed to the store and it's gonna stay that way and get hotter very VERY soon. I had to get used to it again though cause I was far too self conscious not wearing my hoody and being in disguise as just another loser buying groceries. People can usually pick up my aura field anyways but they probably don't know why they're drawn to it. Just needing to pull something out of my bag had me red. I stick out like a sore thumb but I think I'll be just fine tomorrow after getting the first summer experience again. Not to mention I'm still sort of sick and I'm pretty sure that contributed to how awkward I felt. I have actual opposite problems when the seasons change
May 16th 2017 8:34 AM
Today I feel like shit still but at least I convinced said family member whose place I been visiting this day of the week to actually make me some plain food. Baked potato and some frozen vegetable rice shouldn't be too bad at least. This morning I noticed my nose isn't running but inside all over I'm super congested and it's really irritating. Also making me feel like the most ugly, disgusting human on earth. But I have all day to myself at least and I'm not sure what I want to do since weather will be nice. But I'm thinking about going into the forest and doing something a little different than metal detetcting since I don't quite feel like going out in public enough in such a pathetic state and doing some forest rock panning. Just finding a variety of cool potentially wanted stones and seeing what comes out of that. Dedicating the day to at least something open ended like that is better than sitting here drowning in misery and an ocean of used tissues.
May 15th 2017 10:56 PM
I felt like I had to get better quickly and bring more of what I desire into my life so tonight just a while ago I decided to do a reality shifting ritual again which I haven't done in a long time because I haven't felt a need to till now. I took 2 glasses and wrote under 1 the current state of things and on another where I want to be. Then carefully poured the water and drank out of the proper glass in one big gulp. I hope I'll be somewhere better by morning. This always produces something. In fact I know I altered something due to a heavy silence in the air that feels somewhat wavy like what happened last time. I'm not sure where this worm hole I just opened up is going to lead but I did it with all my directed intent and hope for great oppertunities to come my way. I also know that the world I'm going to wake up may be subtly different to so I'm ready for that also of course.
May 15th 2017 9:13 PM
I thought I was in for an easy day as my ilness was settling down, chilled all morning with some music thinking that I was gonna go into work deal with some ordinary work flow for easy money and go home continue to recover...until I actually had to go to work and went outside. Oh what a cruel illusion that was just straight up evil. There's definitely something in the air and it's nasty. Headache, dizzy, nauseated, never ending running nose, and stuffed up head after being outside in the first half hour. On top of that my short shift of work was 12 hours of retail packed into 4 and sleep wasn't to well lately. The customers were like a bunch of rabid animals, I couldn't even comprehend how hostile they were. Half of them I was walking on thin ice just saying the usual lines and doing what I do as I hold myself together best I could blowing my nose and sneezing like crazy. The way they looked at me made it feel like my just being there was a crime against humanity. The only explanation I have is that whatever is in the air that was making me deathly ill was also driving the masses under total mind control as it is even more crazy. When your one of the only sane people left on earth surrounded by the souless hordes situations like that are terrifying. They're energetically blind, they're being manipulated to act a certain way in a hive mind fashion they aren't aware of, and they're ready to attack anything that gives them room to do so. You sometimes have to treat the situation like your dealing with a bunch of senile animals with highly aggressive behavior where you need to be very careful not to provoke them or you're going to be on the menu for dinner that evening. I barely made it out of that 4 hours of retail madness. When I got home I had some coffee and by that point I was bloated from mucus alone and it actually helped later to eat some spicy vegetables that brought a huge amount of it out of my stomach and head. Pretty obvious when I was eating and I could barely chew cause my mouth was full of it in short time and then I just kept it coming out best I could with spicy food. Still filling the trash can with it, this night is beyond gross. Just wanna go to bed and forget today even happened, was more like some kind of NWO themed nightmare featuring mind control and the zombie superbug end of the world.
May 15th 2017 10:01 AM
I'm at this point when I'm sick here that I have so many strange ailments that I don't know if something I ate just made me feel worse or my body is just being a dysfunctional achy piece of shit. My nose isn't a waterfall today but my throat feels kinda weird and I'm a little bloated feeling but I also had some pasta too which I should take out of my diet cause apparently now my body doesn't like it too much either. This ending part of when your sick is probably worse than the middle of it because you can't tell what's your body being your body and what's caused or made more extreme by it under the surface. You can only just sit there feeling like death, eat and drink shit without even being able to fully smell or taste it till something resolves itself and you move on. From my experience being sick in this exact way many times before I could swear that your guts and how congested your head is, is linked to how well you digest food and work down there in a very crucial way. Even just your basic senses being off alone can cause havoc all over your body.
May 15th 2017 8:34 AM
And it looks like it's yet another cold, windy day. Just slightly better here, I have a short afternoon shift too. I don't expect that to do much damage unless I'm asked to stay longer so I'm gonna clean myself up today. Still don't feel too well rested because my mind just won't give me a break lately. Guess all I can do for myself at a time like this is keep focused because nothing else that leads anywhere else but further misery is an option.
May 14th 2017 11:13 PM
For such a fragile human body I'm pretty badass. Guarded by holy aether, ravens, incarnated great wave survivor, looking good, hopefully feeling good more often than not. Maybe I should just feel ok with that.
May 14th 2017 10:08 PM
Work was a whole mess of bad including painful and embarassing while the usual drone consumer zombie creatures were far more aggressive than usual since they saw I was sick and decided to take the oppertunity to take out more of their insecure, disgusting lives out on me. but I did it again and they can suck my fat paycheck I have coming again next week. Even more hilarious is I'm still looking pretty good even if I feel and look in comparison to myself like I got hit by a truck in comparison to all of them. Nose is stuffed and running forever, lips from constant blowing burn like hell, on top of my face feeling like I took a chemical bath because I worked 4 days in a row now which I gotta do tomorrow if I don't wanna get sick from that again. I still can't believe the actual stuff you want to use to initially clean your skin is a quick rinse of extra strength dish soap, what a way to hide it from the masses. Much like I found the actual mouthwash you need is apple cider vinegar and the secret to clear skin is not consuming meat, dairy, and excess sugar on top of also occasionally applying apple cider vinegar to the skin. It's like the more you learn, the less you spend and the more pissed you get. Anyways I'm too tired to be all that pissed thankfully. I just feel completely beaten down and I'm waiting for summer to revive me and when I do it will be glorious. Tonight when I walked in my room I also caught my frame drum I have on display in here staring me down and that reminds me I should probably use it more often. I'll make it to better times but I'm taking quite a beating at the moment is all. But my god if I survived this much traumatic agony for this long then I'm pretty sure I can take whats left of what I have in front of me. No pain previously unfelt and no pattern of it now gone through and I can even afford to set some aside for silver that I can wear again and keep on me because I also found that it's also as protective and beneficial to the aether energy that guards me. The disgusting shit in the air doesn't even dirty it, I see the same affect on the junk silver I find occasionally, it's mostly untouched besides some slight surface dirt and tarnish. Wear it proudly on my ankle and I even own one of the Fiji Great Wave coins which I had to get because I was also one of the one's that even died in it in a past life and now I carry it in my pocket. Good thing I held out on that crappy rare wave Zippo because to find it now in actual pure silver to even energetically bless me is true transmutation of such an experience.
May 14th 2017 9:22 AM
I didn't sleep well at all last night due to the fact that my blocked nose turned me into a mouth breathing slug and thought my alarm sounded when it didn't one hour earlier than when I usually wake up and so looks like I'm gonna be super tired again today but I still gotta work again a little later. At least when I woke up I did a little more Blender work again to get some more basics down. I have no idea where I'm going with that but playing with it gives me something to do and be creative with. Upon trying to make a very high quality water animation video I also discovered that if I want to get super into it that this computer isn't gonna cut it and I'll probably need a computer made for animation but this will do for now. I just don't want to stress it out since right now the last thing I need is a broken computer. Soon I'm going to just pick up a loaf of bread and hope it gives me enough power to get through the day. I shouldn't worry though as I always do pull through but I just end feeling like shit and looking like an idiot. I try to rest easy with the fact that I always been through worse though and made it just fine.
May 13th 2017 11:43 PM
Tonight someone brought home some bread so I had a little and then I just started letting my wander all night and decided to start messing around in blender and suddenly ended up teaching myself how to make simple water and how lighting works a bit better. Took a couple test shots and posted it to my imgur. Nothing too ecxiting but something useful out of a night this stupid was good enough. I also just suddenly decided that I would stop gambing in any form tonight when I was caught up in comtemplating things in my life and I glanced over the fact I almost bought another 5$ scratch off tonight but didn't want to waste a single minute more where I worked. It's been fun but I in the end only lost some and for no good reason. Just off that and telling myself I had enough experience with it was enough to cut it off here. I remember the first time I had some money to throw around so long ago with my first job in a place I actually liked but had to leave after a while cause I wasn't even making enough to make small personal ends meet. I decided to start playing some 5$ tickets and in a streak of luck I made some good money. Then soon enough that winter I came along to the casino with some family members and played some slots and even made a little there. Then sure enough I started losing more on scratch off's and then at the casino I was only breaking even and sometimes losing a little. Then in the end where I stand now there's no way to get back up and it was just a waste as steady small losses added up. But those short wins are what fuels the addiction, I don't know how to explain it to anyone who isn't prone to compulsive gambing when they win a little but it really is like being high on hard stimulants. Almost identicle in my experience and it sucked me in every time. Then it gets to this point where nothing matters and you just get lost in the madness and it's sort of mentally freeing in a way which to put it in words is the most most addictive part of it. But after that fades you see that the only thing that happened was you lost money that could have been put to far better use. I'm lucky I get so much extra hours to continously make up for it and then some but one day I won't be so this is where I end it no matter how attractive it is to me sometimes. There's also the factor of it filling in gaps in your mind where pain fills otherwise which makes it difficult to stay away from. I'd rather not continue to deny the whole of myself and just admit I'm in deep pain that tossing money into isn't the way to heal.
May 13th 2017 7:25 PM
That was a nightmare of a day. My throat may not be too fucked up today but my nose and the rest of my body was not up to the task. Got payed to be publically humiliated for an extra 8 hours but I did it. I always thank myself for doing the extra work in the end though because you always have the last laugh when those good times come and you don't have a care in world about your spending money while everyone else is upset because they didn't do the same. But I'm far too exhausted for the rest of this weekend now to care about anything but getting myself cleaned up and chilling out. The only thing I'm doing tomorrow is stuffing my face with some bread and....oh no I just as I was typing this exhaustion driven post got called in for another 8 hours tomorrow. I'm gonna be like dead by monday but when I make it to next friday I'm going to be a very happy person.
May 13th 2017 9:16 AM
Oh boy another gray rainy day and it's only gonna get worse later. At least this is the last day I gotta work before I get a slight break. Surprisingly I didn't have too bad of a rest last night and I couldn't even remember what I dreamed about. It left me with a vague calm feeling over all other stressful things though whatever it was. Still a little sickly but I keep getting better and I think being at work for so long yesterday actually did me well in terms of keeping myself going and sustaining even a mostly ordinary voice even though I feel like shit and emotionally I feel like sadness incarnate. For me just about any given weekend is about as empty as this even if I'm not working. Sometimes if my father is around and we're both hungry on friday or saturday nights we'll take a trip to the usual buffet and do some shopping we gotta get done as a hunger/time killing thing. We can't relate to each other at all but we at least get along enough to do things together sometimes. I look forward to it just because it's somewhere else to be for a while and I can just take my time and serve myself from a selection of food I probably shouldn't be eating with the healthiest thing being whatever veggie sushi is put out. There's not too many other vegan options for me beings fried rice, steamed veggies, and the one kind of sushi there that's meat free because for some reason on the great hell plane known as earth there has to be flesh and bodily fluids in everything you consume or your some kind of alien yourself. I'm pretty sure cross cntamination is an ordinary thing anyways but I can't be that perfect, I prefer to be called something more along the lines of "trash vegan", I take the best I can at the time, don't get too stuck up about it, and move on because I got bigger things to worry about and the only thing being such a over perfection focused idiot gets you is more stress before you die because at some point a piece of twice dead chicken touched your grains of gmo pig feed anyways you're forced to consume since we don't even have uncontaminated crops anymore. Most of what I eat besides giving myself nutrient dense food as supplment is just daily bread or rice. I don't have any cravings for much else often though it would be nice if there was frozen yogurt places that offered non-dairy, sugar free options that were still yogurt. That much I would be willing to bend a little for occasionally. Most of my energy comes from aether life force energy though and little from food or sleep that I just need cause I have a body. In that way at least I feel secure with myself that I have far more than forces of the physical plane on my side. I try to keep upbeat and positive and don't let my negativity rub off on or worse take it out on others even though it sort of leaks sometimes because I just can't hide the way I really feel and have no reason to. I do my best and that's good enough.
May 12th 2017 11:23 PM
Work started out totally shitty and I'm not going to lie ended on somewhat the same note but the slightly warmer night indicating that summer is just aruound the corner and a different crowd gave me a little boost to my mood even though I was dead tired of being there and have to go in tomorrow too. I just kept my head on by reminding myself I wasn't otherwise going to be doing much with myself today seeing as it wasn't and the fact that half the people I deal with probably aren't even making any solid paper. In fact I'm surpised most of them even managed to walk into the store or get out of bed without having issues. My mood tonight is a strange micture of anticipation and somewhat negative longing which is just 2 sides of the same coin overall. Don't know whether I want to explode from sheer frustration or the fact that I just need to hold on to things a bit longer and keep hoping for something better than this.
May 12th 2017 8:24 AM
My mood took a strange turn today and I just decided I'm gonna shove a couple bagels from the store down my throat and be done with the days food. Can't seem to bring myself to want anything else because my state of misery seems to have stolen my hunger. Probably for the best anyways, I don't need too much and I think if I have more than only thing I'm going to be is full and sad.
May 12th 2017 7:56 AM
Woke up already recovering from my sore throat and some other allergy induced shit. At least my body tends to recover from things fast. And of course from work my skin feels pretty gross and it's definitely something in the air at work that gets all over it but I'm gonna wait a few days since I work a few in a row to give it the usual detox wash down because I also can't afford to clean the toxic shit off it while I'm also drying it out too much and making it ugly in another way. It's only been 1 day since I found out how to exactly get it off and worked again so I got lots of time, just mildly annoying. Makes me mad just to think about because I put up with this just for money and not even enough to live on my own since our currency is part of a corrupt, fake monetary system and the odds are too stacked against little old me to do so. If I had someone else in my life we could put our money together to afford something small but I don't even have that. Funny thing is I got more than enough for food, other smaller bills, and whatever else I need with some saved on the side. Everything but the roof over my head. I don't drive and never will so that saves a lot too. Just doing what I can now and hoping good things come my way.
May 11th 2017 12:39 PM
And it's time to get to bed, way past when I should have actually but I feeling as sick as I am tonight I don't expect a great rest. Like usual I'm listening to some dark ambient before bed which usually keeps me calm enough to get to sleep. But at least I sort of look forward to fridays because it's pay day and even if I am working they can be pretty chill. Probably just gonna get some take out veggie fried rice and try not to beat myself up anymore than I have to. And bread, I gotta get some cheap loaf from the store because I now work super early on saturday and I still gotta have something before because you couldn't pay me to eat anymore than some chips after feeling disgusting enough right out of work.
May 11th 2017 11:14 PM
This will be my first post on this blog migrating from freebreadd.tumblr.com to my own site altogether for this and whatever else. I'm still on my main tumblr if you wanna chat or anything, and just because I enjoy the place (I got steam too). I made this place because I wanted something that feels more open and personal. Life is a real mess right now in some areas but otherwise I'm doing ok with keeping myself moving. I try to be happy knowing that I now have more money, resources, and personal strength but it's increasingly becoming apparent that even the sky is dangerous and lonely. You don't know who to trust when all you get is backstabbed and reaching out is difficult because of it also. To be honest even pleasant day dreams can feel almost as offensive in ways as the usual nightmares I have and live in when the only thing your met with when you open your eyes is stale loneliness with a side of the usual grind. You wish for even the littlest push but often your only interaction if you get any at all is an emotional punch in the face from a stranger. I'm just hoping when the Summer heat comes I'll be able to enjoy its freedom since being outdoors when the weather is pleasant numbs that pain inside well. I'm filling in whatever gaps I can by trying to learn new things often. This HTML stuff is part of the fruits of my efforts lately and I been doing a little Blender work too. But I just can't deny how sad and lonely things are for me. Things change but that remains constant. Have to give myself some credit though, any ordinary person under this kinda stress would snap like a twig. I'm more like the sad king of madness at this point.
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